Sit a while

This climber has been busy propping up our fence and I've hardly ever noticed it the whole of the 18 months we have been here. But today I was sat with my cuppa, enjoying the sun (in the shade) whilst pondering, and took a brief glance at a single flower that happened to be nestled against my elbow. The flowers are small and predominately green and white that merges into nothingness amongst the mass of leaves, but on their own they have such beautiful and complex shapes, and a creamy pink tinge that give them a delicate almost porcelain feel.

There have been a number of occasions lately that have made me take a step back and look at myself and my place in the world and pay attention to the little things. To treasure what we have however small and fleeting. To remember that often events do not happen in isolation but are stepping stones to greater things. To realise that acceptance is the only way to truly let go.

I am being cryptic but this is pretty much how my life is. Nothing I can quite put my finger on but every now and again things shift. My view changes much like shedding a skin. I see things that I hadn't noticed before, realise I already have the answer to questions I had forgotten I had been asking. I've never quite understood my purpose as an artist, I don't need to paint my inner feelings or draw what I see or have any particular message to get across. It's intangible, subtle and evasive. But never completely disappears. Like an itch I can't scratch. But I've come to realise over the years that it doesn't matter so much. Having children and watching them grow into happy healthy vibrant people is far more valuable and satisfying than my own needs, artistic or otherwise. That I can be more than one person, that it isn't all about me, that I am one fragile flower amongst many. Complex but delicate, strong but dependant. Loving life and in need of another cup of tea.